I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
God, I missed his penis.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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