If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
