I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
