Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
