i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
