My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Vodka?
Forever.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
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