her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
