A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
