I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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