May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize