We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is Oprah even human
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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