I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
