Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
