I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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