Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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