I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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