Im at strip club and am horny
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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