I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
how drunk are you?
Several
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
