I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
