normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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