and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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