The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
