So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
