I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
