You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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