you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
