I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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