You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
