I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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