I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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