have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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