Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
