His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
