VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
