This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
