a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
