Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
