Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My life is pants optional.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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