just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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