Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
