What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
