Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
