you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
