i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
