never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
