problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
