That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am one with the molecules
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
