I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize