Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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