bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
