i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
