i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
