Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
