I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
