I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Let's get the cat blown out
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
