you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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