she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize