went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
