I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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