i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
