A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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