omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
