Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
