you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
