I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
