i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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