So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
