Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
