this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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