Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
