this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
