Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
