Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
