im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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