I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
