dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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