RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
