i permit you to call me
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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