Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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