my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
