The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
