It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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