God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Randomize
