So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
