Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
