you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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