if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
