I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize