i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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