Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
