I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
