Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
