If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
