while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
