apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
