So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm always down for nudity.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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