I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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