I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
