I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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