I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize