I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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