I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
