Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
