now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
