whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
