dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
