I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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