Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
