Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
