So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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