did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
