Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
