She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
