So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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