nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
