Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
