He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
