you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
